Summer of Love

The most recent issue of Rolling Stone was devoted to 1967 in order to celebrate the magazine's fortieth anniversary. A cool feature of the issue was sections devoted to each of the epicenters of musical activity during that tumultuous year: New York, Detroit, Memphis, LA, London, and, of course, San Francisco. Not only did Rolling Stone begin there, but it was the breeding ground of the Grateful Dead, the Jefferson Airplane, Janis Joplin, Timothy Leary and the LSD movement, and Allen Ginsberg and the Human Be-In phenomenon. Even though a lot has changed since then, SF seems to retain some spark of that optimism, idealism, and energy. I think that legacy is part of what sucks in unsuspecting, innocent souls like Jill and me!

I left my heart . . .

Everybody knows "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," made famous by Tony Bennett. For me, though, that's a little schmaltzy, as is the hippie classic (and namesake of this blog) "San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)" (actually, that's a LOT schmaltzy). No, for me the song that makes my heart ache for the hilly peninsula is John Lee Hooker's riff on "I Left My Heart . . ." called "Frisco Blues." In the lazy blues rhythm, piping background singers, melancholy horns, and John Lee's world-worn voice, I get a vision of the city on the hill, misty, foggy, cool in the evening, romantic in the sunshine, a place that gives you blues when you're not there. When I think of the city, this song echoes in my head.

Share my SF melancholy (which will last until October) by listening to John Lee with me -- you can download the file for free here. (If you like the song, and how could you not?, you can buy the album from Amazon; there's also version on iTunes, but it's different from the one I love, so I can't vouch for it!)

Sublet update

Ok guess what? We found our subletters! They signed the lease this weekend, put down their deposit, everything. It's done. And, I think it's safe to say they're awesome - a Brooklyn pair who plans to travel in January and needs a place after their lease runs out in September. They worked for NPR. They like good music. I've been to their current apt in Boerum Hill and it's sweet. They couldn't be better suited.

So this means that the hunt for a San Fran sublet is officially ON! It's crazy, I keep finding these places that are, like, hundreds of dollars over my budget, but you know I email them anyway, and then I say to myself later 'why did you do that?' - but that kind of behavior is a common pattern in my life. I do that kind of thing all the time with clothing and beauty products - shopping online, I'll add $450 sandals to my 'shopping cart' and let them sit in there for days and days before finally deleting them.

And vacation stuff, omg, don't even get me started. Say I think to myself on a Thursday that maybe it would be awesome to just pick up and go somewhere for the weekend, somewhere cheap and not too far away. Before you know it, I'm looking at spa weekends out at Gurney's in Montauk in the height of the summer season. And I get all worked up and agitated that I can't afford it, and I come really close to just throwing it all on a credit card (which we don't even use anymore - we're a cash-only operation now) and doing it because, dammit, I deserve it.

Somehow my rational mind kicks in and I put the wallet down (not that I need my wallet - I memorized my AmEx number years ago) and then end up going nowhere. Because of course, in the end, I didn't need to get away for the weekend, right? Any time I get that super impulsive urge to spend a lot and get far away from wherever I am, I know it's because I'm unhappy about something that's going on in the moment. I need to figure out what it is and work to correct it. I get that. I really do. Just not until after I almost cross that line into expensive beachfront spa territory.

So, back to the sublet search: not counting the way-out-of-budget options, I think there is a good chance me and Niko will be really happy with what we find. We have time, we have the security of a subletter, we have some savings, and we have craigslist. There isn't a ton of stuff in our price range or our date range, but I think it's still a little early for October sublets. I'm gonna keep checking, though, every day; when our apartment is ready for us, it will reveal itself.

Mystical, no?

People do it all the time . . .

I constantly find myself running up against the same barrier: doing stuff. Shocking, yes, but true. Whenever I encounter something new, I am almost paralyzed by a sense of uneasiness: "But how can I do this? What do I do? Where do I go?" In planning this SF trip, Jill and I have come across many unforeseen or unfamiliar issues, and whenever that happens, I am gripped by fear and worry and panic. How do you sublet an apartment? How do you find a sublet? What about all our stuff? What about connections with friends? What about our mail?

In fact, when Jill and I were talking with our potential/probable subletters, the conversation turned to how they would pay us on a monthly basis. Should they just write us a check and mail it to SF? Or maybe they could set up a Pay Pal account and transfer the money to us that way? I began wrestling with the specifics of each case, the pros and cons, before saying what I always say in these situations: "Eh, it'll work out -- after all, people do it all the time."

People do it all the time. It's my saving grace, my mantra, my shining eternal truth. I can handle anything because, after all, people have done this before, and they were just like I am now. Looked at in that way, to hold on to my anxiety is sheer egotism. It is to say, "Sure, other did this and handled it just fine, but me, I'm different, and this minor uncertainty is ground for a national emergency!" I really don't want to live in such an unbalanced and obstinate matter. It's tiring to always be walking uphill. So unless I am setting out to do something truly unique, like passing through the time-space continuum or communing with the dead, I am comforted, buoyed, propped up, and emboldened by the knowledge that it can't be that hard because people do it all the time.

Subletters

Okay, okay so I'm totally counting my chickens before they hatch but I think we might have founds our subletters!  A darling couple, Brooklynites themselves who will be going on their own big adventure starting in January and need a place for a few months after their current lease expires.  I'm going to look into forms and references and deposits and all that tomorrow morning.  Woohoo!

Niko just said to me, 'Well, it looks like what could have been the hardest part wasn't so hard.' And that may be true.  But everything we've taken care of so far could have been the hardest part - getting the blessing to travel and work remotely; getting the thumbs up from our landlords to legally sublet our place; finding the right fear-of-flying therapist for me (more on that in a later post)...it all could've gone to shit if one of those things hadn't gone as well as it did, right?

So, you know, I think as long as we keep taking it one potential hard part at a time, we're gonna be just fine.  Right now, I'm going to prematurely celebrate finding the awesomest subletters we could've found. How will I be celebrating? Eating fabulous sesame bread from the Grandaisy Bakery and watching that Shaq reality show "Shaq's Big Challenge."